Yesterday, I started thinking about adoption. We’re nowhere close to making any decisions, but I have started to think about other options. We thought about the options of staying childless, egg donors and adoption. We can see ourselves content both with and without children. The question is which do we desire more? We have no clear answers yet, but I think I am leaning toward a life with children today. (But who knows, maybe it will change tomorrow. :)
Today I feel like I am not interested in donor eggs. For us, this path feels less attractive because of the lack of guarantee that it will work along with considerable expense and logistical difficulties. I’ve been asking how important is that I carry the child or that he or she carries half of our genetic make up? I would love to be pregnant and the potential for not having that experience definitely feels like a loss. I think being pregnant is absolutely amazing, and I find the big round belly beautiful! (On the other hand, I guess don’t mind keeping my pre-pregnancy figure. ;) I would love for our child to carry Paul’s genetic make-up, but the imprint we make on our children goes way beyond our genes. If we adopt children, they will be fully ours whether they carry our genes or not.
I had two other thoughts somewhat related to adoption:
1) Why does having a baby have to be so darn expensive for some of us? We just spent about $11k on two IVFs. Adoption (most likely international for us) will be anywhere between $18k-$30k. Here in this developing country you could pay a lot of people’s salary for a year. I am grateful in one hand that we have the resources to try IVF and consider adoption. However another part of me feels the cost. I know that you can’t put a price on a child’s life, but sometimes I do gasp at the price. I guess it doesn’t feel fair that we have to spend so much money. Why, when the children so desperately need good parents, do they make it so hard for the parents to adopt!
2) If we adopt, where do we adopt from? I think the fact that we are an inter-racial couple living in another country makes where the kid comes from more important to me. I have also heard that the legal process is pretty crazy. What would it be like trying to do it from here? I also wonder whether we will qualify for many agencies. Our current salary is below the minimum requirement. Some agencies even require that we own a house! Over a year ago, we would have qualified with no problems, but now I’m not so sure.
As you can see, I’ve just started pondering and asking questions. I feel like we have a long way to go as we think and pray about what to do next.
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