As you can see, I have not blogged for a while. I have decided it is time for me to say "Au voir" to Eggs on Pause.... I feel like this chapter in my life has been closing. So, it's time to close the book for now... maybe it will be reopened someday.
However, I want to end with a thought that I have been mulling over for some time. I find it amazing that Jesus even understands a family that doesn't fit the "normal" mode because he came from a family like that himself.... But, he knew where he came from and where he was going... I find this intriguing, encouraging, and incredible.
Thanks to everyone who have journeyed with me through this blog!
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
Thinking through Adoption
It has been a while since I blogged here. It is not because I haven't had things to write about regarding infertility. Actually, I have been thinking a lot and mulling over various issues in regards to alternative means to creating a family, besides the good old fashion way. Through this process, I have come to appreciate the opportunity to think through issues that I probably would never have thought about had it not been for our infertility. Honestly, for that I am grateful. Issues surrounding adoption, embryo donation, egg/sperm donation, and etc. are complex and not necessarily that cut and dried. But, every couple has to make a decision that they feel most comfortable with and believe to be the right thing to do. So, in this process, we have come to a point where international and domestic adoption are no longer options that we are interested in. We have thought long and hard about this and both of us independently came to a place where we realized that we are not interested in pursuing this route. Some of you might be wondering why? I don't want to go into a long explanation here, but here are a few reasons.
1) Although it is not as black and white as it may sound here, we felt uncomfortable with the fact that so much of adoption is driven by supply and demand. Eventhough we believe that there are times when adoption is truly the best thing for the children involved, we wondered how many children would be better off if they stayed with their birthmother. All the money spent on adoption perhaps could be used to rehabilitate or provide sustaining aid to the distraught people so that the children could grow up with their birth-mom and/or dad.
2) At the end, we felt that if there was truly a healthy, orphaned baby, we would be open to adopting. However, with international adoption, it is really difficult to sift through "truly" orphaned versus not. We also felt that some countries were charging exorbitant amount of money to adopt internationally, and we really didn't feel like we would know where the money was going. We would not want to bring a child to be with us if he or she was "bought" with a bribe.
3) Domestic adoption is difficult for us from here. We felt that the truly needy or orphaned children in the States are in the foster-care system, and I think if we were back home, it might be something worth considering. But, our choice to live overseas make this impossible currently.
4) Some people have asked me whether we could adopt from where we are currently living. Yes, but we would still need to go through the whole international adoption process through an agency. And, where we are, let's just say the bureaucracy is even worse! Furthermore, after much consideration, we felt that it would be hard for a child to have a Korean mom and a Caucasian dad in a context where he/she would look completely different from us. We also felt that many people would expect him/her to be just like them (because they look like the locals) but because of his/her adoptive parents, they would not be "truly" accepted. I think it would be a difficult situation for the child. Also, if the child grows up most of his/her life here, I wonder whether he/she would struggle with which community he/she would identify with the most. It's hard to explain it all here, but at the end, we felt that it probably is not the best thing for us.
I am actually quite surprised by my 180 degree turn from a few months ago when I was really excited at the idea of adoption. I think at the beginning, I was thinking mostly about creating a family and seeing adoption as a solution. But, I feel that adoption is not just a solution to one's infertility. Yes, I believe that I can love a child who shares nothing of our genetic make up. But, it's more complex than just that....
Well, now what? We're praying about whether we want to choose the childless life or consider other options. The more I dig into things, the more I realize things are complicated.
1) Although it is not as black and white as it may sound here, we felt uncomfortable with the fact that so much of adoption is driven by supply and demand. Eventhough we believe that there are times when adoption is truly the best thing for the children involved, we wondered how many children would be better off if they stayed with their birthmother. All the money spent on adoption perhaps could be used to rehabilitate or provide sustaining aid to the distraught people so that the children could grow up with their birth-mom and/or dad.
2) At the end, we felt that if there was truly a healthy, orphaned baby, we would be open to adopting. However, with international adoption, it is really difficult to sift through "truly" orphaned versus not. We also felt that some countries were charging exorbitant amount of money to adopt internationally, and we really didn't feel like we would know where the money was going. We would not want to bring a child to be with us if he or she was "bought" with a bribe.
3) Domestic adoption is difficult for us from here. We felt that the truly needy or orphaned children in the States are in the foster-care system, and I think if we were back home, it might be something worth considering. But, our choice to live overseas make this impossible currently.
4) Some people have asked me whether we could adopt from where we are currently living. Yes, but we would still need to go through the whole international adoption process through an agency. And, where we are, let's just say the bureaucracy is even worse! Furthermore, after much consideration, we felt that it would be hard for a child to have a Korean mom and a Caucasian dad in a context where he/she would look completely different from us. We also felt that many people would expect him/her to be just like them (because they look like the locals) but because of his/her adoptive parents, they would not be "truly" accepted. I think it would be a difficult situation for the child. Also, if the child grows up most of his/her life here, I wonder whether he/she would struggle with which community he/she would identify with the most. It's hard to explain it all here, but at the end, we felt that it probably is not the best thing for us.
I am actually quite surprised by my 180 degree turn from a few months ago when I was really excited at the idea of adoption. I think at the beginning, I was thinking mostly about creating a family and seeing adoption as a solution. But, I feel that adoption is not just a solution to one's infertility. Yes, I believe that I can love a child who shares nothing of our genetic make up. But, it's more complex than just that....
Well, now what? We're praying about whether we want to choose the childless life or consider other options. The more I dig into things, the more I realize things are complicated.
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