The Bad News

I just received my second beta result and it said, as expected, "HCG Not Detected." I thought I would be drenched in tears, crying my eye-balls out, but I have nothing pouring down my face. Instead, I feel stoic, numb, non-chalant, "oh well--roll my eyes" kind of attitude. Maybe it is because I cried the last couple of days on and off. I'm not sure.

I called the lab for the result. The woman on the other line had told me that the result had not come in yet and that it won't be here until the 13th. I responded with, "What! the 13th?" Obviously I was shocked to hear that it would take another 2 days! But, Paul didn't hear the whole conversation and he only heard the shock in my voice and the number "13." He had thought the woman was reporting I had 13 on my beta. Our doctor had told us that a "10" on beta would mean that I was pregnant, although by now, the beta should show "50." While I was still on the phone with the woman, he said to me, "I had prayed for a miracle this morning." He thought I was pregnant. I had to correct him and tell him what was actually happening over the phone. When I told the woman that I was told it would be ready today, the 11th, she told me to hold on. She got back on the phone and told me the report had come in. I told her to just tell me what it said over the phone. "HCG not detected." I told Paul the bad news. I could tell he was really hoping for a miracle, for that "13" on the beta........ Now, I'm crying.