I finished using all my maxi pads I brought from the States today. I packed a few boxes because I wanted to have a few things to help ease my transition to a new place. I thought having my favorite maxi pads (Kotex!) would help. Oh my goodness! Am I glad that I made the decision to pack all those!
I was secretly hoping that the end of my supply of pads from the States would symbolize the end to my infertility. The way it was supposed to work was that just as my supply of pads ended, I was to discover that I was pregnant. :) It was to mark the end to the barren season and the beginning of a new season. I was to enter this new season with nine months of no bleeding. Then in April, I would go back to the States to celebrate my brother’s wedding, have the baby sometime in May, and I would come back with another supply of pads until my next installment the following year! Boo!! It didn’t quite work out that way. :( Now, I have to go and explore pad options (Whoo hoo! sarcasm here...) that are available here because I started bleeding again. I’m bleeding for the second time in two weeks. I’m accepting it as another necessary biological step to getting my body back to normal. It does make me wonder however whether the light bleeding last week was an early miscarriage. Who knows? I can’t decide what is worse. To get a negative pregnancy result and not bleed immediately afterwards, only to leave you wondering when your next period is coming, OR to receive a negative, bleed for the second time, and wonder what this bleeding is all about? My body, which used to work like a clock, is a mystery to me right now.
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