Adoption Cold Feet?

I have been thinking and praying a lot about adoption. In general, I feel really positive and excited at the possibility of having our kids this way. However, it also feels kind of scary and risky at times. Besides the general risks and benefits that come with having biological children, there are other potential complicated issues that come with adoption. For example, sometimes all the medical history of the child or the birth-mother is not known. Then, there is the delicate process of explaining to the child that he/she was adopted. I have no idea how a child would respond to this news. It probably differs depending on the child, the circumstance in which he/she was adopted, and the kind of relationship we have with him/her... The reality is that there are no guarantees even if we have biological children regarding health, emotional issues, and etc. But, there is that first nine months before birth and the critical first year (or more) of a child's life where you bond with your child. It’s hard to know exactly what the nine months before birth and the first year after birth is really like for babies who are adopted internationally. So, as we have been considering adoption, we have been also talking through and praying about some of our fears as well. It definitely feels a little out of control!

If I had my choice, I think I prefer open adoption. In my not so informed opinion, I think that it would be to the child’s best interest to know where he/she came from. When I say open adoption, I am not talking about co-parenting or necessarily being friends with each other. Each relationship is different and I’m sure there is a lot to negotiate. But, I think it would be good for the birth-mom to know how the child is growing and progressing (if she wants to know), and to have some means of contacting her, if the child grows up and wants to make contact. I have tried my best to put myself in the position of an adopted child and I think I would want to know who my birth-mom is, even if I decide that I don’t want to meet her. I think that having a photo or something of her would make it less mysterious. If I know that I have the option of contacting her, then I would at least feel like the ball is in my court…

If we adopt internationally, my general assumption is that as our child grows up, he/she most likely will want to search for his/her birth-mom or visit the orphanage. My hope is that I would help him/her as much as I am able. I’m sure there will be a tinge of insecurity and nervousness, but really, it’s not about me, but it’s about what is the best for the child. It’s too bad that for the most part, international adoption is closed adoption. However, with embryo adoption, you can choose. Either you can receive embryos from anonymous donors or negotiate open adoption.

I’m sure there are advantages to closed adoption too, especially if the birth-mom or birth-parents are "wackos". But, even if the birth-parents are not to my liking , I think that most kids would be curious to know their origin. When they are of age, they probably would want to decide for themselves whether they think their biological mom or dad are "wackos." Hopefully, we will have a good and healthy relationship with our adopted child so that we could guide him/her in his/her effort to make contact with birth-mom, the embryo doners (not quite sure what to call them), or the orphange.

These are a few of my thoughts about adoption that are still forming in my mind….